We have had a lot of hard days doing foster care but, some are way worse then others and today is one of those. This morning we dropped off one of our little guys that we have had for almost a year, to visit with out of state family. You would think this is a good thing! He gets to visit with family and you are right on some aspects. He gets to visit with family he has never met, have a fun filled day being spoiled and just having fun. What he does not know is this family would like to take him.
This is where I found myself in the shower (my prayer) closet crying and asking God why? Why was another child that I had poured my heart and love into leaving me? Why where they doing this? Why is it so easy for state to uproot kids? Why He won't give me a child of my own? How long could I keep doing this?
Once again, I cried out to God and barred my broken heart. If He is the one who created it and knows it, then He can fix it or giving me something to make it better. As I am having a conversation with God; He reminded me that even while my life is not how I imagined it. He is doing something with my brokenness. He is showing me how to trust Him and He reminded me that He has given me children. He has given me children that are broken and hurt. Children that need God, love and nurture. He reminded me that everything is in His timing and the outcome will be beautiful. He reminded me of our Presbytery and How we would be a couple of genuine faith (this has always been scary because, it means you have to be broken at some point).
I don't know what next week will hold, who will be in my house or not but, I can go to God each time my heart is broken (cry, scream and tell Him how mad I am). Then give it to Him! He did create my heart and He is the only one who can make it whole again!
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